Thursday, May 21, 2009

This one contribution from my friend Raj...ops Dr. Raj !!


Things you don't want to hear during surgery:

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that...uh...that...uh.....thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Damn, there go the lights again...

"You know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of them."

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off.

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?

Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donor card?

Don't worry; I think it's sharp enough.

She's gonna blow! Everyone take cover!!!

FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out of here!

And the winner is.......What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...!

Must read....You will connect to this ....

Angrezi? Maro goli!
Jug Suraiya
During China’s Cultural Revolution a commissar toured the country to ascertain if peasants had carried out the diktat of reading aloud Mao’s thoughts while sowing seeds, so as to ensure a bumper crop. A farmer, who said he’d read out the Chairman’s thoughts while planting, was asked by the commissar if he’d had a good harvest. Oh, yes, said the farmer. My radishes reach from here to Heaven. You fool, said the commissar. Don’t you know there’s no Heaven? I do, replied the farmer. And there are no radishes, either. The story aptly sums up the current debate about whether English should or shouldn’t be scrapped in India. Like Heaven, or the Chinese farmer’s radishes, we’re talking about a non-existing entity. When Harold Laski visited India he expressed approval that the welcoming speech made by a local trade union leader was in the vernacular. There was an awkward silence. The union leader’s speech had, in fact, been made in what all present (except Laski) believed to be chaste English. That’s why they say the British finally left India: they couldn’t bear it anymore to hear their language being so mangled every day. It’s not just the pronunciations. Forget the Gujarati ‘snakes’ (snacks) and ‘takes’ (tax). Or the Bengali ‘brij’ (breeze) and ‘shit of paper’ (sheet of paper). Or the south Indian spelling of banana: bee-yayyen-yay-yen-yay. Or the Punjabi celebration of ‘birdays’ (birthdays), especially if they fall on ‘Sacherdays’ (Saturdays) and the person concerned is of good ‘krakter’ (character). Punjab is also famous for its ‘loins’ (lions) and its ‘laiyers’ (lawyers). Our orthography is even more inventive. ‘Child bear, sold hare’ (Chilled beer, sold here) might be an exaggeration, just about. But lots of shops sell ‘milk and cureds’ (curds). And restaurants serve ‘Chinees, Muglai and Conti’ (continental) food. Many a political speech is made from a ‘dias’ (dais) which may or may not be ‘miniscule’ (minuscule). Advertisements always proclaim ‘Offer open till stocks last’, never ‘while stocks last’. ‘Till’ denotes termination (We will love each other till we die); ‘while’ denotes duration (We will love each other while we live). While, till? Termination, duration? KFP. Ki farak pehenda? (What difference does it make?) It doesn’t. Like the use of the apostrophe ‘s’, which indicates a shortened or contracted form: ‘it’s’ for ‘it is’. Technically, in the other use of ‘its’, as a pronoun (Its price makes the Nano a great buy), the ‘s’ shouldn’t take an apostrophe. But who cares a flying fig for technicalities. We apostrophise at will. As in our wont. Or should that be ‘won’t’? Fewer and fewer of us can tell the difference between ‘fewer’ and ‘lesser’. What’s that you say? ‘Fewer’ should be used when we are talking in numeric, or countable, terms: Fewer people (not ‘lesser’ people) attended today’s rally. ‘Lesser’ should be used in describing non-numeric quantity or magnitude: children of a lesser god; theft is a lesser crime than murder. But all of us – including the TOI – swap our lessers and our fewers with abandon. We like to ‘er’, and generously add ‘er’ to words that don’t need it as a suffix. So neighbour becomes a ‘neighbourer’, preferably a ‘next-door neighbourer’, to distinguish him from the neighbourer living 50 doors down the road. And forger, as in someone who forges currency notes, becomes a ‘forgerer’. We also tend to be nervous ‘the’-ists: we are never quite sure when to use ‘the’ and when not to. For example, all of us tend to talk on phone (not ‘the phone’). On the other hand, when we fly, we prefer to travel by ‘the plane’, rather than ‘by plane’, which may or may not be made by ‘the Boeing’. In all, Mulayam and the others of the ‘Angrezi-hatao’ brigade are only asking for the removal of a long-dead corpse, massacred by us in our daily usage. It’s high time we gave English a decent cremation. Harry bol, bolo Harry!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Few more findings......

Women with high emotional intelligence 'have more fun in bed'

Its getting so scientific now.......

Luck favours the bold.....and she is getting bolder !!


Freida face of global cosmetics giant............


London: After Bollywood actresses Aishwarya Rai and Sonam Kapoor, ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ star Freida Pinto is the latest celebrity from India to join the star-studded line-up of cosmetic giant L’Oreal Paris. The Mumbai native has been announced as the international spokesperson for the Paris based beauty brand. The 24-year-old actress joins a long list of the brand’s celebrity associations which includes Hollywood A-listers like Jennifer Aniston, Beyonce, Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz and Eva Longoria, reported Marie Claire magazine online. “I am very moved to be joining the great L’Oreal Paris family and all these personalities, a family I am now proud to be a part of,’ said Pinto talking of her new role. The model turned actress who became an overnight Hollywood sensation with the success of her debut film, ‘Slumdog Millionaire’, is currently shooting for Julian Schnabel’s movie ‘Miral’ in Israel and has also been signed on for director Woody Allen’s latest venture. PTI

Last few days have been crazy.....

Gosh last monday was terribly crazy in the office.....No power, No wi-fi, epbx not working, few shortcircuits, plumbing problem, the office guy quit without any alert, warehouse shifting, few urgent orders and customers yelling..... end of the day we still managed to smile, if not laugh loud.......

Monday, May 4, 2009

Woman power !!


Women activists in Kenya have taken the fight for political reform to a new arena — the nation’s bedrooms.

How so? They’ve gone on a week-long sex strike and they’ve asked sex workers to join in.

And what are they protesting against? The growing infighting between the coalition government’s partners.

But surely seven days of abstinence isn’t so great a hardship? Not for the Kenyan male apparently. Even two days without sex is high punishment.

Wow! Guess they are marathoners and not just on the sports field! The wives of the bickering PM and president have been exhorted to pop the question about the state of the nation at the delicate moment when their husbands’ pants are down and, err, ears are up. One of the first ladies is quite gung-ho about this; she says the move will create awareness about the country’s fragile political state.

Do you think there’s a lesson in this for our squabbling netas? Unite, or else…! Given their venerable age, the reverse might work better.

Unite, or else? Gird up for action seven days in a row!


(Overheard by Vandana Agarwal)